10 November 2006
While the row about the Hilaly's comments on rape and “uncovered meat”, did not finish totally yet, Al Hilaly and his community have been blamed by members of parliament, both state and federal for escalating global warming.
Those experts noticed that Al Hilaly is not preaching against his followers from the smoking of the Argilla, a type of water pipe (widely known in the western world as Hubbly Bubbly). The Argilla was found to emmit a large quantity of Carbon Dioxide and other poisonous gas. Taking into account that the Muslim numbers are exceeding 1 billion in population around the world, the emmited gases could cause a lot of damage to our environment and possibly contribute to global warming.
In one religious ceremony during last Ramadan, Al Hilaly was stressing that smoking the Argilla, while not promoted, it is not forbidden. He was quoted as saying “at the moment you can smoke Argilla without any fear of divine punishment”
On another occasion, he was saying that global warming is a “divine punishment” for following secularism. It is very clear that he urges his folowers not to care about the damage to environment.
The Australian prime minister has described his comments as “unAustralian” and urged his community to sack him immediately.
“It is very clear that the Egyptian born shiekh who cannot speak English well, does not feel the 'heat' caused by global warming and other events” said Mr Howard.
Kim Beazely, the federal opposition leader has questioned the reason why Shiekh Al Hilaly cannot feel the “heat”, as if he is not really from this earth. He demanded a royal commission to investigate these claims and the Muslim's responsibility for the global warming. He blamed the government for not doing enough to measure the amount of CO2 emmision from the Argillas, a policy vacuum he promised to fill when he wins government. He also questioned the ignorance from the Department of Immigration to stop the Argilla's smokers to gain residence in Australia, and later, Citizenship. Mr Beazely said, “they should at least learn to speak English before they go smoking the Argilla”.
Kevin Rudd was quick to demand an apology from the Mufti and his community. He also asked the Attorney General to investigate if the Mufti's act was such a serious breech of national security that it should warrant deportation.
Bob Brown, the leader of the Greens Party, demanded that the Muslim community to sack the Mufti immediately and replace him with environment-friendly Mufti, who would commit himself to sign the Kyoto protocol. Mr Brown noted that the Mufti and the Muslim community had the least participation in the rally on global warming last week.
“I did not see the Mufti at the rally last week; I was told that he refused an invitation to attend and commit himself and his community to the principles of Kyoto” Mr Brown noted.
When asked about these claims outside Lakemba Mosque, the Mufti shook his head, smiled and kept going. This could be translated that he cannnot find any excuses any more.
Some Muslims who are long term opponents of AL Hlilay said that he does not represent the Muslims, and without him as Mufti, the community could have easily signed the Kyoto Protocol decades ago. They added their voices to the chorus of politicians asking for his immediate sacking and for a candlelight vigil outside the Mosque until he does.
For more satirical comment, contact: Jamal Daoud (0413 467 367 – that's real!)
Note: The above text does not actually represent the views of those mentioned but the satirical position of our collective existence.